a pen...

ocd is counting your steps
even for hours at a time
ocd is making sure everything is perfect
multiples of five or two
ocd is making sure everything is neat
making everything face the same way
ocd is making sure you are ready for the day
am i ready?
first thing,
three pens, no more, no less
black one, then blue, then other blue
clipped on my sweatshirt
next, cards
with my money and licence in it
it has to be /that/ deck
there is more tape on that box, then a new box is worth
next, phone
if i dont have it, i must keep checking
every three minutes, to see if it magically appeared in my pocket
then, my keys
even if i am not driving
i would be lost with out them
next, pencil and pink eraser
must have them
just in case
all in my right pocket
and lastly
a lighter, the only thing in my left pocket
im not a smoker, but i must must must have it
then, my wrist must be covered, or i shiver
wristband, bracelet, then two head bands
then my key around my neck
it irritates my skin
but i always get locked out if i dont have it
ocd is spending over a minute
every time i go out
making sure everything on me is perfect
and searching for tens of minutes
finding what i need if im missing any of them
if i am missing anything
my lighter i rarely use
my head bands that i hate using
my bracelet that hurts me
my cards that are bulky
anything
i can not function
i go through the day, anxious, and paranoid
if even one thing is missing
ocd is not being able to function
though one day
when im missing
a pen