sometimes my mask breaks
my mask that always smiles
through the cracks... tears flow
just kill methe pain is becoming harder
writing is starting to not cut it
all i hear is the echoes of peoples laughs
i want death
i want it now
may not work
too much pain
good bye pain
good bye life
good bye memories
good bye... just good bye
what he took from me...when i look in the mirror
i see me
what i have turned into
i no longer have that glow
that loving spirit
he took it from me
i no longer have that beauty
that self confidence
he took it from me
i no longer have that purity
he took it from me
i no longer have that smile
...he took that from me...
mistakewhen i look in the mirror
i only see my mistakes
i see what he did to me
i see what i did to myself
i see how it effects me
but no one else sees
no one sees what he did
no one sees what i do
no one sees how it rips me up
why can't they see
why can't they see
i am going through
on a daily basis
as i look in the mirror
all i see
is a mistake
one big painful mistake
named chelsea lynn _____
hear me...im screaming
so why cant you hear me
hear my silent screams
see my pleading eyes
feel these dry tears
why cant you sense my pain
my heart is broken
why cant you help me
you fail me
why do i put up with this
this piercing agony
this burning ache
this stabbing torture
why does no one help?!
broken memories.When you were six and I was nine,
I could hear you singing in the shower
as you sang a broken chorus
that left everyone around you speechless
because as you looked at yourself in the mirror,
you saw new tears pouring down your face.
As your skin turned sheet white,
you remembered that you no longer have a heart.
When you were seven and I was ten,
we would play on swings
and see who could jump the highest
to touch the stars at night,
but the truth is that
I would always let you win
because I love the way that your lips smiled
whenever you screamed into the night.
I remember how we used to catch fireflies in jars
and you would always let them go,
but the truth was you were escaping your own mind.
(I remember how I always told you that I could fix you,
but your eyeliner always streamed down your cheeks
as you turned to run away
because you were too afraid of opening your heart.
I haven't seen you since,
but the truth is that I still love you.)
The TruthsWhen you look at me, what do you see?
Seeing that smile, could you guess what I hold back?
Hearing that laugh, could you sense the pain?
When we talk, can you tell that I leave so much out?
When I say I am fine,do you know what is behind that?
Is it just me, or do you miss alot?
When you really look at me , Do you really see me?
Do you even know that there is so much you don't see?
I can tell you what you see
A girl that isn't really there anymore
A hollow shell
That if you were to put under pressure
Would be gone in an instant
That is why she has so much protections
Why there is alway people around her
OF course you don't see what she is holding back
You hardly know that girl
Or, at least not the one that the rest of the world does
The funny thing is, she doesn't want you to
She feels if you see the scars you would walk away to
Even though when that laugh sounds you can tell something is off
You will never call her on it
You shouldn't ask questions if you aren't ready for the answers
Truth Be ToldI'm not a perfect angel
Nor will I ever be
Because there is no such thing as perfect
And that is a guarantee
We all have our own opinions
And we won't always feel the same
So don't get mad at me over it
Because I don't play the game of shame
I'll say whatever is on my mind
No matter how harsh it may be
'Cause if it is the truth
Then it should be told for all to see
Please don't order me around like a robot
I'm a human being not a slave
I wasn't born to serve you
And I'd rather live then be put into an early grave
Why must you sit here and lie to my face
When you taught me as a child that lying is a sin
In the end it won't get you very far
Because a liar never wins
AverageOnce there was this girl
Just your average girl
Who went to your average school
With your average friends
And average boys
And average school work
And every day when this average girl came home
She ran upstairs to her not so average room
To blast her not so average music
To which she would write her not so average poetry
Instead of doing her average school work
And then she would wonder about her parents
Her not so average parents
With their not so average jobs
And would, every day when they got home
Drink more than the average person should
And every day her not so average father
Would beat on her not so average mother
And then he would find this average girl
And do some not so average things to her
And this seemingly average girl
Had some not so average scars
Running up and down her average arms
Because she thought it would help ease
Her not so average pain
The pain she dealt with everyday
And every day this average girl would fall asleep
And cry her not so average tears
And have her
ThankfulI can admit I've waited,
I can admit I've done all I can,
I can admit I loved you with all my heart,
I can admit I always made sure you were happy...
What happened to us?
You left in such a rush...
What do I do now?
Cry and sink to the ground?
You left me for a two bit whore...
You left and I finally got my closure,
it was worth the wait.. the closure...
Sometimes I ask my self why I loved you...
But I guess at some point me and you were true...
It's over now, for good...
And I'm thankful for that...
PaperPeople lie and
But tree's listen.
I tell them my secrets quite often and
They never seem to fail me.
Faithful in their silence
They will hold their promises forever,
Will hold your words until they themselves fade to ash.
In which case they'll bury the secrets with them.
I'm not one to trust a person, or a bird
For they have tongues,
That itch for words.
I think tree's make better friends,
Even if they're not much for conversation.
DespairSmiling is how I make it through the day,
Pretending that everything is just okay.
I conceal the intense ache that I feel inside,
I laugh and joke and push everything aside.
No one ever cares to look into my eyes,
If they did, they'd see past the disguise.
The disguise I place on myself to hide the pain,
To hide the darkness that I can't explain.
I have pitch black darkness inside of me,
This gloom is filled with things I cannot flee.
It sucks away the happy feelings I might contain,
And leaves behind the hurt and pain.
I find myself hating the world and my life,
So much so that I pick up the knife.
I need to feel something, anything at all,
Even if it is something that I used to appall.
I bring the knife down until it's on my arm,
And begin the downwards spiral of self-harm.
The blood begins to flow as the pain ebbs away,
My straight path has now been set astray.
For a while I feel again, for a while I'm alright,
But the feeling vanishes like a candlelight.
Once again I reach out for
You KnowIt's okay to cry
You know I can't
Let tears fall
You know I won't
Pretend it's rain
You know it's not
Just keep sane
You know I'm not.
Think no more of meI pale in this ebony sand
digging endlessly to depths that neither seas nor star can find
hiding within bowels that excrete a resin of deathly demise
There is no scorching orb that lights my way
No shadowed pearl that comforts a need to sleep
just stillness effacing life
a conspicuous absence of color
So acute that it resounds as the drum
purging the contented songs of pleasure from hell
I am pock marked and rotting
A dirge that will scream her words to no one listening
I am lost feeding nothing but the blackness
that has become my skin
my charred bones
I am lost
I am lost
Annabelle.I've stood in the dark
to watch you crawl
whenever a demon sent chills up your spine
as you screamed in pure terror
for a knight in shining armor,
but all you ever received was new bruises to your lips that made you look more beautiful.
(I remember how I always used to call you beautiful,
and you always looked back at me with sad brown eyes
only to say that people with cuts on their arms
could never be beautiful because you were too caught up in suicide.)
You always told me that you knew you were one to never exist long
because you felt like you were meant for the afterlife,
but whenever I close my eyes I can swear
that I hear your distant soft voice,
(but it was just my heart wishing that you were still here.)
ScarsI am scard
Both mentally and physically
There are scars all over my body
They are deep and speak of times much worse than these
Each one for a broken hear, a shattered friendship, a forgotten promise
These wounds within my mind
They tear me apart
The bleed and pulse with pain just as much as they day they were wrought upon me
The flower of those i love has now rotted away
Only the petals remain and the float all around me
But i can not touch them
Their they go, blown away in the subtle breeze
Hear me scream
See me burn
Never shall i allow someone to be as beaten and rejected as me
If you feel pain as i do
If you bleed as i do
If you love as i do
If you have been rejected as i have been
Talk to me
I shall help
Even if i must give my life
I must help
I will help
A DreamWas it you that I saw?
In my dreams I was still in awe.
I thought I was over you.
I thought I was done being blue.
But lately you have returned in my dreams.
You still haunt me, thats how it seems.
I still see your perfect smile.
I just sit there and stare at it for a while.
I can still feel your gentle lips.
And the smooth curves of your hips.
I hear your melodic voice.
I cant turn away, even if I had a choice.
I miss you so much.
Your hugs, kisses, mostly your touch.
But then something happens, I awake.
And my heart starts to ache.
Then I realize its just a dream.
Then my tears start to stream.
HiddenI can't accept it
I don't want to fall
But i can't change it
Because it's me.
I keep it hidden
I keep it locked
Inside a safe
A deep, dark vault
In the farthest depths
of my mind.
Fading, never leaving
A constant reminder of
What is wrong with me
Slowly dimming away,
But never parting
Reminding me of you
Withering in time
But always fixed in my flesh
I'll never forget
Ingrained for eternity
Foreveralways with me
They are part of me
The will be, evermore,
Part of my being
They've made me who I am now
Through trying experiences
I look upon them,
Think of youwhat a mistake
I'm stronger, smarter
That mistake will not be made
All over again
I've moved on from you